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Wednesday, 21 December 2011

Pathetic Fallacy

Do you miss me my love?
Do you ache for my touch?
Do you yearn for the trove?
Do you grasp for the clutch?
Hear my voice in the wind
My caress through the rain
The moon turning your chagrin
And the sun from which you abstain
Lift your dagger from the snow
Polish the tip with the stones
Your charming smile you bestow
Your nimble hands grab for the bones
You're a God with your lightning bolt
You're a monster emerged from the skies
Changed the law and watched us revolt
Servants of your love you chastised...

Friday, 9 December 2011

Number One.

You're growing up now
You're living the life of double digits
You grew tall like a tree somehow
No longer are you the family's midgit
This is poem number one
Of the nine that I will write
So maybe one day when I'm gone
You'll read this and never give up the fight
You're a talented and smart little girl
And right now you're swimming in innocence
Since you have a heart as big as the world
Wanting to share off your brilliance
Don't be the advocate
Be unique and special
Don't keep the shell of your heart delicate
Be courageous and gentle
Allow right to pummel the wrong
Follow your heart and not the mind
Never give up, always be strong
Because in the end this life will be kind
This is poem number one
It will be the mirror of the wraith
Keep this, even after I've gone
Chin up...and keep the faith

Afsana on her 11th
23/11/11
.x Wandering Daydreamer x.


Thursday, 3 November 2011

The Bully

I feel it in my body
I feel it in my soul
Look what you've done to me
My compassion you control
Want a taste of what you've done?
The pain that you've caused?
Come and finish what you begun
Come and take your share of the loss
Feel the tears choke your words
Feel the knife serrate your heart
Feel the painful clench of your innards
Feel the horror as your whole world falls apart
Listen to your own nasty voice
Listen to the hallow sound in your ears
See what it's like to have no choice
See what it's like to receive a sneer
You make me live like a coward
You hide behind your own pathetic shell
My self-esteem you've lowered
Your own self-respect fell
With one glance you change the story
You the hero and me the villain
Go off and bask in your ugly glory
Carry on with your mericliess killin'
Let me live the life of Havisham
Let me place a padlock on the door
It's my fault I became the lamb
It's my fault I exist no-more

.x Wandering Daydreamer x.

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

*numb*

You walk away from the cold proletariat
Into the lonely abode with concealed barriers
Scared, confused, alone and naïve
Too much pain, nothing left to believe
You leave the salvation of the trees
Building a treaty in the new street
Waiting for an awakening
Your confidence awing…

.x Wandering Daydreamer x.

I won't give up

I’m left waiting with the trees
The wind drinking in my pleas
My world is shaken
My thoughts taken
Limbs fallen to the ground
My echo is gone, no more sound
My naivety has burned away
I stand up with no delay
I embrace my resolution
I will find a solution
I’ll lock away my emotions
Swallowing a potion
That’ll turn my heart into stone
And dare myself into the unknown…

.x Wandering Daydreamer x.

For Afsana...

You threw tantrums everyday
You made me wish you never stayed
We fought and then laughed
Our silly fights were so daft
Every little issue made me mad
But then later I felt a little sad
I may not show it little sister
But you best believe it when I say “I missed her”
You’re a great kid with a wonderful heart
So talented with hands that make beautiful art
We play our little game on your way to school
The rules you made were pretty cool
I stand and watch you leave
And sigh with a great heave
You cross the road and shoo me away
But I don’t go I stand and stay
You roll your eyes and let out a little groan
I’m sorry little sister, I just love you too much
So much that I won’t leave you alone…

.x Wandering Daydreamer x.

Worn out like a pair of converse

Precious times and precious moments
I was so lost in this small romance
I miss the days you said you were happy
It made me smile and a little sappy
I felt so special and exclusive
But then you changed and became passive
I gave you my confession and you did the same
So tell me now, what is this game?
I sit here and wait for your love
You only come when life starts to shove
You use me for words and support
But this isn’t my battle to be fought
You need my help but who will help me?
This constant wait is making me crazy
I feel so cold, I have no warmth
I have to stop this, have to stop this want
I’ll just drink away my sorrows with a vial
So that you can be free to walk that mile…

.x Wandering Daydreamer x.

Star-crossed with chains


We’re bound by this link
Two souls forming as one
Hearts beating in sync
Our love deviant like the rising sun
We’re gifted with knowledge
Tortured by bittersweet fate
Our feelings we acknowledge
Laid out like fresh bait
We’re pawns to this intimate game
Beckoning, consuming our minds
Powerful source with no name
That slowly drinks up our time
No fresh blade can cut these chains
Their marks will be etched onto our skins
Poison running freely into our veins
We may forget, and move on,
But in the end there is no real win

.x Wandering Daydreamer x.

Not so coloured after all


You degrade me by the color of my skin
Treating me like a robot with no feelings
You think what you’re doing is no big sin
When in truth your words need a little healing
You think that I’m colored? That I’m black?
Not deserved to be near you because of my diversity?
Well listen to this and you’ll take it all back
And learn the true meaning of equality
For when I was born I was black
When I grew up I was black
When I’m out in the sun I’m black
When I’m cold I’m black
When I’m sick I’m black
When I die I’m black
But…
When you are born you’re all pink
When you grow up you turn white
Are you starting to sense where this links?
Read a little more before you backbite
When you’re out in the sun you turn red
When you’re feeling cold you turn blue
Are you starting to get rid of that big head?
Hold on, I’ve got more to argue
When you’re sick you turn green
When you die you turn purple
I guess you think I’m a little obscene
Never knew my words would be so hurtful
I’m just showing you a little insight
Hoping you’ll feel a little shame
Calling me colored is a worthless fight
You’re the colored one here, while I remain the same…

*Note, these are not my actual words. I was inspired by a forward email I received and just changed it around a bit to make it into a poem

.x Wandering Daydreamer x.

I'm too good for you


Can you hear this plea?
I was once your ‘close’ friend
I was the waves and you were my sea
But now it feels like it’s the end
I placed my heart in the hands of a stranger
I let you take control and read my mind
Never knew of the consequence and danger
You lies and deceit making me blind
But what could I do?
Each time you got hurt I was in pain
 I couldn’t tear myself away
Whenever you ignored I never complained
I just stood by you day by day
Listen to this; it’s not only a plea
 I’ve finally come to a conclusion
To set myself free from this agony
And clear my mind of this delusion
My feelings for you will be tossed
My emotions will break from this control
Maybe one day you’ll realize this loss
And give back the years you stole…

.x Wandering Daydreamer x.

Goosebumps


Tell me please
How do I get rid of this pain?
This ache in my heart
Pulling with a strain,
That’s tearing me apart
How do I get rid of?
The tremble in my feet
The clench in my stomach
Hollow sounds of my heartbeat
Followed by a chain of havoc
My mind is pounding
My throat is too dry
I’m tired of this acting
I just want to say goodbye
Take away the pain you’ve caused
 Please, have some compassion
Don’t wait for another pause
Just take away this passion…

.x Wandering Daydreamer x.

Black and White


You were so nice when we met
So friendly and loyal
I enjoyed our little chats
But I guess I was just in denial
I was oblivious to your pain
I ignored your conflict
My bitter words I couldn’t contain
Ruling you out as being imperfect
You were slowly dying inside
And here I sat feeling betrayed
I thought it was you who lied
But really you were just afraid
Afraid of showing your emotions
Afraid of breaking out of your shell
You wanted to stick to your devotion
Each step leading to your own personal hell
I take back my horrid perception
I won’t let this be the end
I will bring back your passion
Because you were always my friend…

.x Wandering Daydreamer x.

R.I.P Red Tulip...


I think about you everyday
Your face constantly in my head
You’ve drifted so far away
My heart always full of dread
I often wonder to myself
Was it right to say goodbye?
To something more precious than wealth?
Maybe I should have just tried
Tried to have more faith in you
Tried to give us another chance
I wish what we had could’ve been true
But I’m just sick of this false romance
It’s time to erase every memory
It’s time to wake up from these blues
I know this will not be easy
But for now I’ll bid you adieu

.x Wandering Daydreamer x.

Rhetorical Questions...


What is the point for this ride?
What is the point for all this pain?
What is easier?
To end this with suicide?
Or driving myself insane?
Who can feel the pounding in my ears?
Who can feel the rigid clench in my heart?
Who can hear all of my silent tears?
Who can give me a fresh new start?
Will it hurt if I slice my wrists?
Will it hurt if I drink some pills?
Will I finally be put to rest?
Or does life have some more thrills?
Shall I give you the key to my heart?
And count the last minutes on the clock
Is it time for me to depart?
Or shall I just keep it under lock? 

.x Wandering Daydreamer x.

Jekyll and Hyde...


I do everything I can to make you happy
I do everything I can to make you proud
And yet you treat me like a villain who’s crafty
Accusing me and protecting yourself with a shroud
You inject your hate and despair
The poison running freely in my veins
Sometimes I think did you ever care
Did you think you words would end my pain?
I ponder about how you would feel
If the situation was reversed
Would you cringe and squeal?
Will you finally understand my curse?

.x Wandering Daydreamer x.

For Yunus...

You were quite a big surprise
Joining our big family
Your thoughts so small, yet so wise
Full of joy and your unique beauty
I was so awkward when I first saw you
I had no idea how to act
I had so much time and yet so few
You grew up - I had to face the fact
You're always happy to see me
Your big grin shining your face
I was happy to be a part of your glee
Since I know you'll forget me without a trace
I want to write you a poem
I want to write how much you matter
But my words do not blossom
Because I don't want my love to shatter
I want to keep you close to my heart
I want to keep every memory of ours
I want to be there from the start
I want to be there until the very last hour
I'll give you this when you're older
When your heart and mind is tougher
You'll be my brave little soldier
Until then....I love you little brother 



.x Wandering Daydreamer x.

We're all puppets to capitalism...


Drew this in college during a Sociology lesson

We all fight for the next big thing
We all march to the latest trends
Our pigheadedness makes us feel like kings
Our greed poisoning our minds with no amend
You struggle for a decent night's sleep
You yearn for the smallest drops of water
Your body works for labour so cheap
Your lives fighting off everyday slaughter
Our clothes are made by your blood, sweat and tears
Our lives run under the rich man's power
We're all oblivious to your fears
We're all puppets to the high tower
Your aching body cries out to the sky
You whisper your unspoken wishes
You never give up, you always try
You wait for your justice from this unruly mission
Just imagine if our lives were to swap
Can you bear to stay away from your family?
To satisfy the needs of a greedy pompous man's crap
And to never once taste the sweet scent of liberty?
Made this on photoshop; what message comes across to you?
Can we save this small lost soul?
Every man, woman, boy and girl,
Can we team together and reach this new goal?
Can we give a slave child a whole new world?

.x Wandering Daydreamer x.

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

The Mysterious Bird

It was a really cold winter, nothing unusual since England was known for its icy weather, and the occasional sun that would pop out once a year. But this year felt too cold, so cold that hedgehogs were awaken from hibernation, and trees begged for their leaves to retrieve their green chlorophyll so they could cover their naked bodies from the harsh wind. Speech was deprived as lips were frozen and shut together; people had to wait until sunup to thaw them out.
It was on a cold morning, when Alcott Smith sauntered into the woods that stood on the fringes of his father’s farm, carrying an axe over his shoulder and humming along to a droning tune, as he chopped off what branches he could reach. Granted, he had not seen the genius of his plan as a cascade of fluffy icy snow hit him again and again with every swing of the axe. Shaking his head like a docile puppy, he glanced over to an object that had caught his peripheral vision.
He walked over to it, and cautiously watched the feeble creature puff out its chest in attempt to protect itself from the cold. It had an ill-favoured look, its skin bald and featherless, pink from the arctic temperature. Its arms were folded pathetically at its sides and its eyes, dark as two precious alexandrite stones, observed him intuitively. He studied the bird for a long moment and watched as it bent its head, as if welcoming him, the crests on its head flopping over.
Alcott Smith raised his axe, preparing himself to save the bird from its misery. “Please don’t hurt me.” A voice whispered to him, and with astonishment he realized that it was the bird talking to him, though its lips did not move an inch. You are bewitched, he had told the bird. “I am a blessing from above. If you promise not to hurt me, I’ll grant you one wish.” The bird whispered back. Alcott Smith, though feeling suspicious and a little confused, obliged and put his axe down.
Grant me my wish then, he taunted to the bird. The bird unblinkingly stared at him, and slowly shook its head. “I am unable to do anything without my feathers.” The bird told him. “You must get them for me if you want your one wish.” How am I to do that? He had told the bird, feeling perplexed. “My feathers grow back every time one good deed is done. I need all thirty of my feathers to grant you your wish” Alcott Smith, though feeling irritated and robbed of his wish, agreed and went home.
The next day he went back into the woods and searched for the bird, having to convince himself that he had not imagined the whole ordeal. He was surprised to find the bird exactly how he had left it, except for the barely visible stubble, which coated the bird’s entire body. My father was not feeling well, so I had gone and done all the house chores myself. He told the bird. The bird nodded at him and he watched amazed as one single branch of the bird’s crescent feather spurted out of its back, the colour a magnificent sheen of blue and green. “Well done.” The bird told him.
Days went by and Alcott Smith was growing excited as he watched the bird’s feathers spring to life. Each day bringing him closer to his awaited wish. On one evening, after running an errand for his father, Alcott Smith rushed down the snow coated road, not aware of his surrounding due to his uncontainable enthusiasm; he barricaded a man’s path and unknowingly dropped all of his purchases. Alcott Smith watched the old man struggle to bend down and pick up his vegetables that were now rolling down the road. Impatient as he wanted to go see the blossoming bird, he left the man on the road and carried on walking.
That evening when he went to visit the bird, he was shocked and hurt to see that one feather was missing. What happened to your feather? He asked the bird. “It dropped since you were unable to do one good deed today.” But I went to the market for my father! Alcott Smith exclaimed, feeling frustrated and betrayed by the bird. “And in doing so, you ignored another.” Alcott Smith thought back to his day and remembered the poor man that he had left on the road.
Alcott Smith went back home and sat down pondering over his thoughts. He realized how lucky and considerate his life had been so far and how there were unfortunate individuals out there who wished they were in his position. He later went to sit with his sick father and discovered how his lucky days were coming to an end. His father’s farm was being auctioned and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Distraught about the news, Alcott Smith stayed with his father and assisted him with his aid as much as he could.
It was after a few weeks, meeting with several acquaintances that were interested in the farm, did Alcott Smith realize that his thirty day trial was up. Curious, he walked back into the woods and searched for the bird, feeling anxious and agitated when his pursuit was fruitless. Shattered that he had not been granted his one wish, he mournfully walked back to his home.
Upon his arrival, he found his father jumping with joy as he held a sheet of paper in his hand. Alcott Smith questioningly marched over to his father, and discovered the sheet was actually a cheque. It was a generous donation from an anonymous benefactor. Confused by the random act of kindness, he turned the paper over and saw one long peacock feather attached to the back. He smiled to himself as he stroked the soft feather. After all, it was what he wished for. 

.x Wandering Daydreamer x.

Monday, 17 October 2011

Back Stabber...


Words are your biggest weapon
Power is your greatest companion
You think you're teaching a lesson?
It's only yourself you've beaten
Your croons are whispers of the devil
Your actions are blows to the heart
You think you're winning this battle?
When truly you're just ripping apart
Tell me this,
Cannot you not handle the truth?
Cannot you not accept your deeds?
You've already ruined your own youth
Don't let this evil breed
Stop it now with your immature comments
Stop it all with the malice and envy
Bring in you a little bit of sense
Stop it now...and end this tyranny


.x Wandering Daydreamer x.

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Thoughts of Amana Foundation

There was always some small part of my mind that wanted me to get into charity work. But like any other teenager I was drawn to exciting colors and other mundane activities we kids get into these days. But when I first noticed the ambition and the passion my sister had for charity work, it left me feeling awe-struck. She would get up every weekend and sacrifice her time to help other charities and those who are in need of our help. She was truly an inspiration, just like my uncle.

So, of course, we were all anxiously waiting for the 19th, the hours, minutes, and seconds diminishing and leaving us all shaking with excitement. We were so frazzled and confused by all the hectic planning that it went down to actually making sure we had our shoes on right and not wear two pants by mistake. I woke up early on the big day, doing chores that were not needed to be done just to get the hours going. My cousins and my little sister had gone over the list so many times it was incredible. I would be surprised if they didn’t know about all the dust bunnies hidden under the sofa.

When we marched down to the Grand Venue; all wearing our Amana T-shirts with such pride and honor, as we carried our stuff for the stalls, I remember watching drivers slow down just to look out their windows, their faces carrying such curiosity that it made me smile. I was giddy with excitement. We all were. By the time we got there it was pure hectic. I remember seeing just a blur of green and black by the T-shirts, a blur of happy and confused faces, all mixing together and forming an image in my head that was too special and genuine. I had wanted to capture the moment on camera, just to have the image in my head and remember that what we were going to do today would have made my uncle so proud.

Amana Foundation consisted of a mixed variety of people, all who were close families and friends. I loved how we were all from different race and ethnic groups, but yet we all came today, standing as one, as a family, to celebrate the beginning of a revolution. Yes, Amana Foundation is going to be a revolution. The spurting energy and youth from the baby Amana’s (as Muzahid Khan would say) and the determination and passion from the volunteers is what made Amana happen.

When we were all placed behind our stalls I could see on all their faces how nervous they were about what was to come. If I had known what a great and spectacular experience it had turned out to be, I would have shrugged my shoulders at them and say “relax guys, just do what I do; smile and nod. Just smile and nod”. But of course I was a nervous wreck just like them and found myself getting refills of my drink. When the flurry of people walked in, all holding the same curiosity as the drivers, I braced myself for what was to come, and could practically feel all the other volunteers doing the same. It was as if Amana had fused us together as one, our breaths and hearts beating as one, as cheesy as the idea sounded.

Unexpectedly, a lot of people came, which surprised me a lot. It boosted my confidence and I took my own advice of smiling and nodding, though I was sure I was making a few people uncomfortable, much to the amusement of my fellow volunteers. Little children had run to the samosa stands, their eager eyes taking in all the pizzas and chicken my family had provided with, their blissful youth so ecstatic over the cakes and the sweets, and the lucky dip and face painting. I remember finding myself agitated because I had wanted to join those kids and win something, and eat cake until I felt sick. The whole event looked so spectacular, that it was even making me want to participate in the games.

Alas, I did not have a chance as I was busy with my own stall selling my mother’s handmade headbands. Though, I did get to read my poem out and also listen to inspiring and emotive speeches made by my niece and nephew, Syra and Mohsin. To think that someone as young as them would have held so much love and respect for a person is just so incredible. They truly are their grandfather’s children. I had sat there at one point, taking everything in and feeling so exhilarated by everyone that it left me feeling emotional. Everyone had come for my uncle; everyone had wanted to become a part of his celebration. Family, friends, colleagues and even stars such as Shobna Gulati all came to celebrate the start of something new. We were not mourning over a loss, but celebrating an amazing life, which we were blessed to have with us. Amana foundation will continue the legacy of my Uncle, the late Mabaswir Khan, and I am proud to say that I am a part of it, and a part of this new family.





Sunday, 23 January 2011

For Boro Sasa...♥

I remember every time I visited your home
I remember feeling confused and so small
Your usual greeting would make me groan
But now I feel very tall
Tall because you were my own
My own blood and family
We were never alone
Because you filled us with harmony
You were an inspiration to us all
I was proud to call you my uncle
My heart broke when you were gone
Our emotions set free from the shackle
I remember watching everyone cry
I remember pondering why I never did
Maybe I wasn’t ready to say goodbye
Maybe I wanted to believe that this was all a fib
I silently shed a few tears
Remembering all the years
I looked at the other people
They were upset that you’ve drifted apart
I realize now why I couldn’t be equal
Why I couldn’t cry like them
Boro sasa you were a gem
That’s why you’ll always live in our hearts…

You will always be in our prayers. I love you Boro sasa...

.x Wandering Daydreamer x.


Bumbling Bee

I once went shopping with my mum to town. I remember the day was very tedious and all I could think about was going home and snuggling into bed. My mum had walked into a shoe shop and all I could think was "Nooooo!” Sorry to all those fanatics out there about shopping, but let me just say that shoe shopping is the most painful and mundane thing I could ever experience.  Anyway, my mum went straight to the fuzzy slippers, as I sauntered around the shop, looking at the varieties of shoes available, from death-trap stilettos to comfortable flat pumps. As usual, whenever I was bored, I’d start to daydream about inane thoughts until I came across this flamboyant pair of sandals. Feeling nonchalant about it, I tried them on and thought “wow these are nice.” When my mum saw me she frowned, knowing how clumsy and uncoordinated I was, and commented on how she thought I wouldn’t be able to walk in them. She showed me a pair that was so atrocious that I laughed hysterically at her. After a lot of persistence she finally agreed to buy them for me, still unsure. 

I was ecstatic, it wasn’t what I usually would wear give my unbalanced feet, but nonetheless it was something new. I wore them to college the next day, ignoring my mother’s warning, and pranced around in my new shoes. Everyone mumbled their approvals, all expect for my best friend Haleema Tee, who like my mother, was able to read me like an open book. She noted how I wasn't quite able to walk, but I shrugged it off and lied that I was okay. 

The next day followed by and again I wore the sandals, feeling so happy that everyone loved them. I guess my good luck was coming to an end when out of the blue I tumbled down the stairs (thankfully no one was around). Like peeling open a new bottle of milk, the sole of my shoe had come open. So now I was limping around with a piece of my new shoe coming off. I went home and didn't tell my mum about it, dreading the coming argument and the smug “I told you so” – it was inevitable. So like an idiot, I went to college to next day with the broken sandal, since my mother persisted I wear them. Half the day went and I knew I was going to be a health hazard if I didn’t get rid of the shoes fast. As I was limping down the road during my free lesson, once again daydreaming, I stumbled over a rock I didn’t notice and fell forward. The little peeling of the wood came completely off and my sandal was sole-less. So, my dear friends, the moral of the story? Don’t always follow the crowd and lie to yourself each time until you’re convinced enough that you’re one of them. Each covered lie will pile up until it literally knocks the ground from under and trips you over. Also - MUMS KNOW EVERYTHING!

.x Wandering Daydreamer x.